It took only three days, three stores and two Oregon cities to find Kirista’s perfect wedding dress – and she got it on sale. Kirista Trask and Janie Walcome are getting married. Janie (short for Janette) proposed to Kirista on the beach in June, and Kirista, not being someone to put things off, immediately started shopping for a wedding dress. She found $1,000 of elegant white embroidery on a strapless “apron” top, with a simple A-line satin skirt and a six-foot embroidered train flowing behind. This was just a taste of what was ahead financially for the couple. 

Although Multnomah County, Oregon, had briefly granted legally-binding marriage licenses to same-sex couples earlier in the year, Janie had not yet proposed. The couple missed this opportunity to have their marriage count, but unlike many other gay couples, this didn’t stop them from planning a wedding – a non-religious ceremony that would announce to the world their commitment to each other. They knew the wedding would not confer on them the thousands of federal and state rights married heterosexual couples enjoy (no matter how many additional legal contracts they entered into), but this did not deter Kirista and Janie. 

By November, voters in Oregon hammered another nail in the same-sex marriage coffin. They passed a referendum, Measure 36, which introduced into the state constitution the definition of marriage as a union between “one man and one woman.”  Watching the election returns that night via the internet, Janie sat on the couch dismayed, while Kirista tried to ignore the news. In between news bursts, she cruised the Target website completing their wedding registry. Then during the next two months, swimming against the tide that was cresting in the state, they arranged for a florist, a photographer, the catering, the venue, the cake, the rings, the decorations, and the scores of other minor details that accompany a wedding. 

Now it’s the end of January, three weeks before the big day, and Kirista and Janie have an appointment with Janet to go over important details about the venue.  Janet is the owner of the Coburg Inn Events Center which is nestled in the agrarian, one-stoplight town of Coburg, Oregon. The Inn has hosted events for five years now, from meetings to high teas and parties. Weddings are a major part of the business, and as it’s relatively rare to have one scheduled during the rainy Oregon winter, Janet understandably seems excited. Kirista and Janie’s February wedding will be the first same-sex ceremony the Inn has ever hosted. Despite Janet’s demeanor, the brides worry that her enthusiasm stems from wanting to see the spectacle of a same-sex wedding and not from a genuine approval of the couple’s commitment.

As Janet, the florist, Kirista and Janie sit around a banquet table covered with a deep red tablecloth, Kirista is the typical bride, chattering about herself and Janie, telling stories of their bridal shower and family dynamics. She tells everyone around the table in great detail about the wedding – from the Kenny G that will accompany them down the aisle to her refusal to open their wedding gifts in front of a crowd. 

But as confident and in control as she appears, Kirista seems distracted. She can’t concentrate on one subject for more than a few minutes; her mind races from one detail to another and so does the conversation. She finally focuses on arranging the time schedule with Janet. She wants to make sure that they’ve reserved the Inn for all the hours they’ll need for the rehearsal, the set-up, the ceremony and the reception.

“Okay, so let’s talk about times,” she says to Janet.

“It’s a 5:30 wedding?”

“Yeah.” Kirista glances over at Janie. She’s thinking about how long it will take to get organized, get dressed and have pictures taken. If the bridal party arrives at 3 – which is when Kirista has scheduled the Inn, they’ll never have enough time before the guests start arriving. She focuses on an invisible spot on the table in front of her and mumbles quietly to herself, “I don’t know if this is going to work, this stresses me out…”

Janet is getting a little stressed too. She originally had the wedding party arriving at 2, but Kirista made the reservation for 3.

Janie watches quietly as Kirista agonizes over the time-frame. Finally, Janie asks: “How much is an extra hour?”

“It’s seventy-five dollars an hour,” Janet says.   

Janie looks to Kirista, “Do you want to pay it?  Seventy-five dollars?”

Kirista hesitates.  This wedding is already costing a lot of money. Janie jumps in again, “Then you can push everything back an hour, and you’ll have that extra time…”

Kirista takes that as Janie’s approval and turns to Janet. “I think we’re going to buy an extra hour.” She looks back towards Janie and gives her a slight smile, “Do you want to cough up the dough?”